either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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