whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize