i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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