I don't remember. Are we still dating?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
