im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
