So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
