I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
