Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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