So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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