im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the day after is always just damage control
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
