My liver just broke up with me...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize