brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
