My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
