coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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