i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
