i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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