the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
