i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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