What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
