If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
