some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My balls are so social today.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
