Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
