chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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