Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Soap is not a condiment
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
