I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
