Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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