I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
