the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
