from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
