i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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