Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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