In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize