You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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