Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
