And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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