I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
