My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
