i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
