i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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