but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
