I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
