your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
