her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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