worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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