I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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