***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
