whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
