I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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