her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
