She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
