oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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