i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize