So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You're my little dorito
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
