Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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