I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
did you just send me my own nude
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
