When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
