Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
