Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
