it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
