I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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