youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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