i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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