Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
