you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
