Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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