i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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