Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
