You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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