We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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