who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
